Joyful Clarity I had such a wonderful time last night (as in just a little while ago) ... but first, a few apologies are in order. Jennie -- Sorry about that whole "waiting" thing. It was really bad and I still feel not-so-cool about it. Shane -- Uhm. Sorry about our failed attempt at dinner. I really, truly, deeply appreciate you being so cool about it. I owe you dinner for sure. Thank you. So ... I'm doing a little bit better with things. I was able to hang out with her, have a great time, and still talk about my feelings -- all without feeling stupid about it! A really ultimate person helped clear things up in my head (a tall order, to be sure). The reason I've been so reluctant to get into details about this and the reason I've been not wanting to talk to most people about it is that I know what most people are going to say. They're going to be all, "You need to get over her," and / or, "You need to move on." Only one person has been able to empathize with my feelings for her; everyone else will just think I'm silly for seeing things the way I do or think that I'm just caught up in the now ... ... but I'm pretty comfortable with things. It's not about getting over her and it's not about moving on. I've only felt this much for someone once in my life so this is not something I'll ever "get over." Like Ms. Ultimate told me, I have to accept that she'll have a chunk of my heart for the rest of my life and I have to learn how to be okay with that. (I'm leaving out a lot of details, as well as the eloquence she had saying as much.) What I feel for her is one of the most amazing and incredible feelings I've ever had. I struggle to express how deeply she's touched my heart. It scares me to even think about it, but I'm grateful that she even brought these feelings out. I adore, cherish, and *blush* (can't even say it) this girl for the experiences the made her who she is, the incredible woman she's become, and the amazing person I know she will be. The way that I feel when I'm with her is just ... ethereal (*snicker*). I'm still going to have my ups and downs for quite some time, but at least I have a better understanding of how I feel and what I have to do about it. So to the people that are worrying and think I should make a b-line to the therapist's office -- don't worry. I'll be fine. Just make sure I keep boxing.