At Least the Yankees Won Thank Hera the Yankees won. That's the saving grace for my night, which woudl have been perfect save for two things: 1) She doesn't feel the same. 2) She was crying on my shoulder while I felt horrible about myself. Tonight really was brilliant. I had one of the best times I've ever had in my life and so did she. This really was the best date I've ever constructed. Innocent coffee at Farley's, a really delicious and romantic dinner, a surprise limousine wisking us away, walking by the beach before settling by a bonfire, dice and drinks at small, fun bar, and dropping her off at home with a confession. I truly did it the way I wanted to. Unfortunately my way really sucks. The night ended with her crying on my shoulder in the rain pleading for me to not leave her life. It continued with the limo ride home with me gulping the worst vodka I've had in years. It transitioned into me drinking tequila and complaining to Kit on how absolutely stupid this whole relationship thing is. And it's ending with me struggling to blog without typos while I want nothing more than to have another drink. Yeah, I'm sure when I read this blog installment I'm going to feel rather exposed. But right now I could care less. I did what I set out to do and had it reinforced that doing things the way I want to do them absolutely sucks. I disappointed a woman that I care so much about and that I want to be there for so desperately. I gave her a night that she'll never forget (she said this too throughout the course of the evening). Unfortunately, it appears that I am quite forgettable. Kit wants to go to Wal Mart tomorrow. I'm hoping they have guns so I can shoot myself. This whole thing is really stupid and my fault. My dear friend (I miss you by the way) gave me several guidelines on how I should approach women, but in my supreme stubborness I reject them in a seemingly defiant proclamation to live life by my terms. Well genius (me, not you), living life by your terms hasn't gotten you very far has it? The annoying part is that I've had one of the best and definitely one of the worst nights I've had all year. By the way, you have no idea how many times I have to keep hitting backspace to correct drunken typos. There's a bright spot here somewhere. Really theres is....let me find it. Okay, I'm hoping (really, truly, deeply) that I can be happy with giving someone that I deeply care about a really incredible night. It really means something to me, despite my rantings. I'm sure I'll appreciate more in the future. For now I'm going to sink into one of my dire periods of life. God, I can't even stop typing about it. In my mind everything should work out and we should be happy. Then reality happens and I'm left typing idiotic ramblings into my blog while she's with...well, she's not with me. Okay, I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a spectacular hangover, but I'm going to get a cup of Phil's coffee to make everything a little less painful.