Gosh!!! Idiot!!! So that panel at Columbia was fun. Sitting with people far more important than you are (CEOs, executive vice presidents, etc.) while speaking to MBA students is definitely a ... humbling experience. I was pretty sure I'd be the dumbest person on the panel and that there was a fair chance I'd be the dumbest person in the room. Turns out I was right! So I did what any insecure person would do in that situation -- I made them laugh. Someone once told me, "You try to keep them laughing so they can't see your fear and pain and insecurities." So yeah, once again I played the role of the jester. I actually managed to make some okay points too. I give my panel performance a C+, mainly because I was able to be somewhat animated on four hours of sleep. See, last night Andy, Doug, Billy, Jeff, and I followed Tara, Laura, and Ann around town. Adventures with Tara usually mean trouble ... in the best sense of the word. I was actually pretty well behaved. I didn't get idiot drunk like I used to and I didn't get hyper-emotional drunk like last week. Mostly-sober Raymond chuckled as drunk-ass Andy / Doug would randomly shout, "Jambalaya!!!" (Long story. Don't ask.) It was just a fun time at a cool roof-top bar with gorgeous views of Manhattan and Jersey. Andy is one of my favorite junket companions ever -- we've had some excellent times on the road (spanning four countries I think). I used to be able to say the same about Doug, but then he drunkenly tried to drown me in Mexico. Jeff ... wow, it's weird to think I've known someone for that long (13 years?). From being idiots in college to becoming idiots in gaming, it's been quite a journey for us both. It's been neat watching Tara and Laura grow up over the years. They're still immensely fun ... but you can just tell they've gotten smarter and wiser about ... well, everything really. Plus there's a Pacifica in the mix now. And Ann. Well Ann is just hot and really sweet. So yeah! After I left the city to head to my parents I discovered an email crisis ... which became a lengthy email discussion ... which became an email goodbye. It's sad and I'm really hurting and I'm losing one of the most wonderful people I've ever met, but it's the right thing to do. Ah, there it is ... the incongruity between what is right and what feels right. In a way, the heartache is comforting. It's like an old friend. Oh yeah, I saw James last night too. James and me back in New York! Ha! I miss him a lot and this whole email thing reminded me of something he once told me. It was like, "God forbid you're ever happy or have something that works out. You wouldn't know what to do with it." *sigh* I don't think he's right in thinking that I gravitate towards things that don't work. Things like that just don't work out for me. Butterflies and slugs.