Happy Belated My blog turned one-year old last Saturday. I can�t believe I�ve been writing this crap for an entire year�. I saw the girl just now. She was at a party that I was attending. We hugged and talked for a bit. I miss her so much. It was so nice to hold her, but so difficult to look into her eyes. She�s really happy with her new job and new life. It�s very bittersweet. I�m incredibly happy that things are going so well for her, but I wish so much that I could be part of what�s making her happy. Next week I should hear if I got the job in Irvine. I really need this to happen for me. Even if I don�t take it, I just need to feel like I�m of some use to someone. With the things not working out with the girl and things not working out in Minnesota and freelance life not being so great�. Well, it would really kill me if I got rejected one more time. It really shouldn�t matter, but I�m so not feeling good about myself. Of course there are worse situations to be in, but I can�t help feeling inferior personally, professionally, romantically, etc. I need something to boost my ego. I need someone to believe in me�because I don�t.