Bumping Rejection is a funny thing (not really). This week has been kind of tough. It was bittwersweet bumping into the guy who didn't hire me--he's a great guy and I really wanted to work for him. It was awkward bumping into the guy who got the job--I don't really know him so it was somewhat uncomfortable, but he seems nice and I honestly wish him well. And...well, I'm still not sure how I feel after bumping into the girl that didn't love me back--it was so nice to just hug her and hear that she's doing well, but I do miss her like crazy. Seeing these people this week has made feel inferior, inadequate, and fucking sad as hell. I could deal with the first two chaps fine, but seeing the girl again.... I mean, I knew it would happen eventually, but nothing could prepare me for it. There's so much going on in my heart and in my head after seeing her. Thankfully I'm hitting the road in a few hours. If all goes as planned, the next two weeks should be comprised of trips to Las Vegas, Dallas, Seattle, Irvine, Seattle again, and San Diego. I hate being home.

Gone in 36 Hours My second England trip of 2002 was lots of fun. It didn�t have the wild occurrences of the last one; it was more relaxed and less chaotic. My hotel was pretty posh and the hosting company took me to many wonderful restaurants. The latter fact has thrown a small wrench into all the training that I�ve been doing, but I�ll get back on track fast. It was just a very comfortable junket that made me forget about the stuff I�m trying to deal with at home. The plane ride back was lots of fun. I met this Scottish woman named Moira and we really hit it off. Her accent was so sexy and she had a piercing on her lower lip. She�s going to be in San Francisco for two weeks, so hopefully I can see her again�for some of the same kind of fun we had on the plane. I think my powers only work on women from other countries. That or I�m just infinitely more comfortable with women that are an ocean away from me. So roughly 36 hours after landing from London, I�m off to Toronto. Although the travelling has been great, it�s abundantly obvious that I�ve been using it to escape from the things that are bothering me. I�ve started to face the lesser issue and that should be cleared up soon, but the one that�s really breaking my heart is something that will stay with me for a long time. I just don�t know what could make this kind of hurt go away. I guess time will, but I foresee myself just�becoming numb to these kinds of things�becoming closed off and afraid to trust. It�s like, I found someone that I was so comfortable with that I let her into my crazy little world and see things that I would be afraid to share with almost anyone. I didn�t need to pretend with her. She accepted me even when I wasn�t putting up that carefree fa�ade that most people see. And I trusted her so much that I offered her my heart�but she didn�t care to have it. You have no idea how ridiculous I think I sound right now. I should grow up, but I don�t want to. I like my na�ve views on how the world works and love in particular. Even though I�m becoming more and more afraid to share/trust/give, I know that deep down I�ll always think love is everything.

Anywhere but Here Pretty much the second I landed in SFO, I wanted to leave. It�s not that I don�t love it here, because I do. It�s just that I�m having a much easier time being on the road. It helps me not think about the girl. I�ve found it�difficult being at home. When I�m on the road I�m thinking about whatever agenda the company has set up and what kind of story I can write. At home, there�s just way too much for me to think about�things that make me sad. The only part of my day that�s easy is the 90 minutes I spend in the gym. Boxing is still lots of fun for me. I�ve been working on circling to my left so as not to be mauled by a lefty again. My movement to the left has gotten better, but I�ve found that it has slowed down my movement to the right. My feet are confused I guess. I�m not sure how I feel about this since almost all the guys I�ll spar with will be right handed. My left hooks from the last two days have been really great. So much so that I find myself thinking, �Wow. I wish I had this punch last Friday at the Codemasters event.� There are times where I deliver it with such a quick and compact motion and it still makes a wicked �thud� against the heavy bag. Cool. So when I�m not in the gym I�m thinking about the girl�wondering how she is�wishing I could help her. I can�t wait until my plane leaves for London. Maybe my magical powers that charmed a young lady in Newcastle will return. Oh, I�ve added another trip to my travel schedule. The weekend after I get back from Toronto, I go back to Vegas. My daughter doesn�t think all this travel is good for me. She thinks it will prevent me from meeting a nice girl here. I so appreciate her concern, but this really isn�t the best time for me to meet anyone. There�s this one girl that I�ve been talking to a lot this week. It�s been kind of odd. I've known her for a little while, but we've never been close. We really don�t have much in common and she�s totally wrong for me, which makes her a perfect candidate for my �girls to date while I�m still in love with somebody else� list. However, I know she�s completely wrong for me and that it wouldn�t work so I think I�ll stop talking to her. A year ago I definitely would have pursued her. Look at me, I�m growing.

Round 2�Fight! Codemaster�s boxing trip was a lot of fun. Thankfully, nobody got too hurt this year. I had two fights this year and I was pretty happy with everything. I did make the mistake of learning how to box for three-minute rounds. We ended up fighting for two 45-second rounds each fight. So most of the fights ended being slugfests and learning how to run for two minutes didn�t help me. My first fight was against Codemaster�s Jon Hare. I was pretty happy with my footwork and I moved around the ring pretty well. My head movement sucked and I caught a few punches that I shouldn�t have, simply because I didn�t slip the way I knew how. It�s funny how you forget many of the things you�ve learned the second the fight starts. Anyway, I landed some pretty good punches and I knocked him down once. I ended up getting the decision. Next up was IGN�s Doug Perry. He�s a pretty scrappy guy, but what totally threw me off was that he was left-handed. If he were righty, I think I would have won in a similar fashion to my first fight. All the movement I learned centered on circling to my right, so as to avoid a righty�s power punch. When you�re facing a lefty and you�re circling right, you�re running right into his strong handed. Now I totally understand when boxing commentators say that southpaws are tricky. Doug caught me with some really nice lefts. I landed some good shots too, but nowhere near as many as he did. I did make the adjustment and started circling to my left, but it felt really awkward and I definitely didn�t move as fast. I kind of got caught up in the moment and tried to fight more than I boxed. I gave Doug a cheap shot and flipped him onto the canvas. His cheap shot was way nastier than mine though; after touching gloves to shake hands, he immediately hit me. Normally, you�re supposed to back off a second and square up. Despite his cheap tactics, Doug deservedly got the decision. Overall I was pretty happy with the event. I�m definitely in much, much better shape than the last time they did this. I�m actually happy that I lost the fight to Doug. It made me see some things I can work on at the gym--learning how to quickly circle to my left being on the top of the list. Also, if I won that fight with Doug I would have had to face Ryan MacDonald from GameSpot. He would have destroyed me. Plus, I can still say I dislocated Ryan�s shoulder the only time we ever fought.