Oops I totally forgot! My blog turned four yesterday. That's right -- four years of idiotic thoughts and adventures have been documented right here. I changed the template for a blog makeover and am experimenting with a feature to make my daughter happy.

Superfly I just got to Los Angeles. The flight here puts me at 25,352 qualifying miles for 2005. I hit my goal of making Premiere for 2006 by Q1. It's good to have goals. 100K here I come! So yeah, that article I mentioned in my last post ... it's pretty fluffy. I was never much of a reporter, and I've gotten worse at reporting as I've become better at entertaining (I'm available for parties). On one hand, I was flattered that the people involved chose me to deliver their message. On the other hand, I was a bit of a pawn. Despite being told that I was chosen for my understanding of the issues, I know part of it was that they know I'm a fan of the company and the person. I'm sure they knew I was going to lob softballs and not ask really hard questions at this time. Still, it made the day more exciting. My hotel for this trip is in WeHo. It's a really exciting area that I don't care for at all. The first few times I hung out at The Standard or The Mondrian were pretty cool, but I much rather be in Westwood. I made the mistake of telling a few people that I'll be in LA. They told a few friends and they told a few friends and so on. I feel guilty because I'm not going to get to see 1/10th of the people I'd like to. Part of it is that there's too many people and too little time (not to sound like Mr. Popular or anything). Part of it is that I don't have it in me to put up the facade for six days in a row (no matter how much makeup I wear *tee-hee*). I'll get to spend time with old friends like Steve and Justin (and hopefully Kate!). And I'll get to see people I'm comfortable being myself with like Ted and Lindsay. Now I just have to figure out how to fit a few more dozen in.

See-Saw Surprise This week has been weird. I was still in my "mood" on Monday. I had a ridiculous conversation with a woman -- it totally reaffirmed my current views on the fairer sex. I was really tired since I slept poorly over the weekend. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I didn't go to sleep as much as I passed out. So between my stupid conversation and the lack of sleep (and everything else on my mind), I was not a happy camper. Tuesday was surprisingly excellent. I had a pretty neat story land on my lap. It's not the best thing in the world and it was a total softball chat, but it was part of Fanboy Tuesday. After chatting with Lorne and getting the story up, I went to a Double Fine party. I expected to chat and have a few drinks, but things got pretty interesting.... I caught up with a lot of people (nice catch up session with Shane and lovely pep talk from Ricardo). I had a really excellent time. I witnessed some curious incidents. And I had two surprising girlie moments. The first was pretty wonderful, but totally wrong. Hopefully nobody caught that one. The second one was totally dickish of me. I met this girl at Buddha. She was with a guy that she wasn't into, but was totally into her. So naturally I chat her up, get her phone number, and kiss her in front of the dude. That was pretty wrong, but I was pretty drunk and I'm really jaded about so many things so I'll give myself this one. Hopefully I'll get to see her again. She's a bit young though. Oh yeah, I met this cool chick. I'll call her Timex for now. With any luck, we'll be singing Beatles songs at the Berkeley BART station.

Only Lonely I didn't have much of a weekend. Friday was my only fun night. I had a really good wine-filled chat with Eeevers. Some of it was stuff I didn't want to hear, but it was probably good to hear it. Aside from that I spent the rest of the weekend working, took a break to vacuum, worked some more, went to Farley's for coffee, and wrote two letters. There are worse weekends to have, but I felt very alone. It's funny. I'm definitely lonelier than most people think, but probably not as much as I sometimes think I am. Wait, why is that funny? Oh yeah, watch me play with the kids during PSP launch. I'm all skittish and tentative on camera now. That "incident" has left me scared. Bummer, I was just getting to the level of barely competent.

Slaya Scents Cute little letters sprayed with perfume are so lovely to receive. Thanks darlin'! In other news, I had my breath taken away in seconds last night. I miss her so much.

Coffee Whore So I was waiting for the 48 bus this morning when Roger (the owner of Farley's) pulls over and asks if I need a ride. I took him up on his offer and asked him to drop me off at 24th and Folsom to meet Ryan. It made me feel all "Accidentally Kelly Street" about my neighborhood (yay!). It also made me feel like a coffee slut for having the owner of Farley's drop me off at Phil'z.

Retrocalcaneal Bursitis Those are today's magic words boys and girls. Ouch. I actually feel a lot better now. Meds can be quite amazing. Prior to popping pills, I was pretty lame for 36 hours or so. I was struggling at the airport yesterday -- both PHX and SFO. Thankfully Rannie came to get me and help me get my luggage upstairs (women are always emasculating me). Today was pretty funny. I woke up pretty early and thought about getting up, but the pain (the pain!!!) decided otherwise. I finally took advantage of my health insurance, got diagnosed, and got some meds. I was hungry around lunch time (duh), but was in no condition to take a stroll to get food. So it was cereal-bar city! Sometimes I'm too proud and/or embarassed to ask for help. I should be able to limp to the office tomorrow. Though what I really want to do is limp to the bus so I can get Phil'z coffee with Ryan in the morning. *sigh* Apparently rushing into boxing after a few weeks off, walking up my lovely new hills, and being a blimp is bad for my calcaneus. Aging sucks. Oh yeah, this month's theme song is "Accidentally Kelly Street." It plays in my head whenever I'm walking around my lovely, new (old?) neighborhood.

Desert Nights This has been a most interesting trip. Saturday was particularly memorable. The crew and I spent ten hours at the same strip club. We got there at 4:00PM and closed the SOB at 2:00AM. The amazing part was that I was the sober and well-behaved one. Right about now you're asking, "So how does one stay sober and well behaved for ten hours at the same strip club?" Good question! The answer is that you try to ingratiate your crew to the management and the staff to get preferential treatment. I made it my role -- though everyone definitely helped -- to mix with the staff to make everyone's time more enjoyable. We got away with so much that I was totally amused and didn't need to be drunk or naughty. Here are some of the things I/we engineered: - Getting the cocktail waitress to change into stripper garb to dance on stage and give lap dances when there was only one "regular" girl working. - Getting the manager to give us free pizza. - Getting permission from the manager to order Chinese food and eat it at the club. - Giving a girl a new name which she used for the entire night. - Being such good patrons that management didn't mind that one of our crew was passed out for two hours. There were only two areas where I/we failed: - The (female) bartender wouldn't dress up and give lapdances for anything less than $50. - The (male) DJ wouldn't give the bachelor a lapdance for anything less than $100. The starting five of Cali, Blanca, Kaela (Rachel), Courtney, and Alex was quite the hit with the boys. Faith is also the BEST WAITRESS EVER for dancing when nobody else was around. Overall, the boys had a really great time. Don't worry, I didn't get married this time. I didn't really like any of the girls too much, except one. Kaela (Rachel) was telling our crew stories of how she doesn't climb the pole anymore because she kept hitting her head on the ceiling and banging her head on the floor because she'd misjudge the space. Her clumsiness was really endearing. Plus, Cali told me that Kaela (Rachel) was self conscious about her stretch marks and it made me want to give her a supportive hug. Don't worry, I didn't -- I'm still pretty terrified of women, even the naked ones that are being really nice to you to get your money. Plus, we invented a new word: strippering. I mean, you can say you're stripping paint or stripping a car for parts or something. People strip before they go into the shower. Strippering is a very specific action that's used by a very specific type of professional. So yeah, aside from that I have a most interesting tan. At today's baseball game, only the right side of my face getting sun. I look like Harvey Dent. In some ways it's appropriate because it's a physical representation of what I'm trying to become. It's working pretty well so far. Let's see if I can successfully make two seperate halves. Hopefully my last day will be sunny. It would be nice to go home with an evenly tanned face.

JDH Seeing Mizuguchi-san and Yamaoka-san has inspired me to grow Japanese Developer Hair (JDH). I usually do something with my hair after a drastic change anyway, so I might as well keep growing it. Hopefully it'll be in all its JDH-helmet glory by Tokyo Game Show 2005.

Rebirth You know how I've had a pretty rough go of things from mid-October to mid-March the last two years? Well I thought my rebirth was going to start yesterday, one day early. I had an excellent day with Ultimate - Best - Best - Kitten - Butterfly - Woman. We drank Phil'z brilliant coffee, played in the park, watched a movie, ate yummy Mexican food, did some research, had wine and cheese, sang karaoke, and went to Buddha Bar -- you know, standard building-memories things. Unfortunately I went to the dark side at the end of the night and got extremely emotional. Between the work drama and holding back everything I've been feeling because of my crap February, I just totally broke down. Like really hit rock bottom. Unfortunately I laid into Best Best way more than I should have and she had to deal with me. We do a lot for each other and I try my best to treat her well, but the last few times we've hung out she's had to see the worst of me. No human should have to put up with the parts of me she puts up with. I'm amazed that she does and I feel so fortunate that she's there for me. Then again, I'm not sure she really has a choice since we share 11 percent of our brains (tee-hee). So yeah, this is the deepest I've fallen into the dark side in ... probably the last ten years (see Raymond's failed engagement). It was pretty awful. I'm probably going to reveal way more than I ought to, but like Christian (the WWE one, not my roomie) says, "That's how I roll." Despite all the whining you read on my blog or hear on the phone or read in my AIM windows, I really love life. Even when things aren't going well, I still always appreciate that I'm alive to feel anything. Plus I'm extremely terrified of dying, or really not being able to feel. I love being alive. It totally rocks. Last night I didn't care any more. (Don't worry, I'm not getting suicidal or anything.) For a few hours, I wasn't terrified of death and I was pretty ambivalent about living. I didn't want to die or anything, but with everything I've been struggling with over the last six or seven weeks I wouldn't have been averse to Zeus striking me down with a bolt of lightning (normally I'd sidestep it). And I'm well aware that there are millions of people that are exponentially worse off than me, but I'm just not that strong a person. Brave? Most of the time, yes. Strong? Ha! So my true rebirth began on the ides of March, as expected. Best Best and I talked out some of our issues; hopefully it's like my other mishaps and we use the experience to grow. The work drama got as settled as it'll ever get internally. This was important because I've discovered a few gray hairs that sprouted up because of the incident and the damn thing was becoming an emotional rollercoaster that left me exasperated. I'm pretty sure it's all done internally. Did I make a mistake? Sure I did. Were other people overreacting? I think so. Am I going to use the whole experience to learn and progress? Oh, most definitely. It was a learning experience ... on several levels. It helped me confirm some allies and friends. It helped me see the people that would sell me out without a second thought. It helped me get over some of my naive ideas of how "real" people can or can't be. So while it added some undesirable color to my hair and excess emotions to my life, I'm glad I could learn from it and can use it to prepare better in the future. Plus, when you try to do something different and / or new, not everyone will like, appreciate, or understand what you're doing. So here I am. After my walk on the dark side. After settling the work drama. Ready for my rebirth. This isn't how I expected it to kick off, but it's kind of appropriate. I feel so emotionally drained and I probably cried three months worth of tears. So maybe I just needed to empty the glass of negativity so I could refill it with positive vibes. If my theory is wrong I'll just f*cking go to Hawaii.

Split Decision Last week was quite tumultuous. A lot of good things happened, but a lot of bad things happened as well. Being the lugubrious being I am, I obsessed with the latter. Since it was so split, it's time for an Augustine Chan binary list! 1 - I wrote the biggest story I'll ever write for work. 0 - It got edited to high heaven and I'm really unhappy with the results. 1 - The story got a lot of nice attention from my peers. 0 - Some of my peers wanted to kill me. 0 - Microsoft had its satellite laser system ready to obliterate me because of said story. Good thing it crashed. 1 - I got to see the ultimate woman. 1 - I got to see my dream girl too. 1 - Mizuguchi-san and Yamaoka-san remembered hanging out with me in Japan last year and greeted me with hugs. I totally marked out. 1 - I got really drunk on Tuesday and managed not to break anything, though I did take a teeny tiny jab at my 19th favorite game designer. (To be fair, he hit me first.) 1 - Bryn was also really drunk and it was marvelous catching up with him and getting to hang out. 0 - Between my big story and punching the game designer in the face (he was being an Unreal bitch about it and was telling everyone the next day), I was getting way more attention than I cared for. 0 - I realized how ridiculous I am for wanting lots of attention when I don't have it and shunning it when I do get it. 0 - I got really drunk on Wednesday and totally blacked out. 1 - Thankfully Kat took on the Herculean task of taking care of me. It was an incredible thing of her to do. Who knows where I would have ended up without her. 0 - Unfortunately she didn't know that I moved and took me to my old apartment. 0 - Apparently I passed out in the hallway by the kitchen. I was so bad that Carlos had to check to make sure I was breathing. 0 - Somehow I ended up on Phu's floor. 1 - The next day I did a good interview with the Nokia dude and an okay one with the Nintendo dude (I was prepared for the Nintendo chick and had to wing it). 0 - The interviews with another huge company didn't go to the company's liking. They didn't enjoy or appreciate the goofy and informal (but really fun!) style we use. 0 - The interviews cause a lot of drama and giant headache for one of my favorite PR people. 0 - I felt enormously guilty for possibly insulting a really important gentleman and making him feel uncomfortable. 1 - The bulk of my personal guilt went away when I heard some of the things the subject said and his attitude towards the whole thing. 0 - None of my professional guilt went away because I'm paranoid that I won't be able to interview anyone from the company ever again. Yes, it's probably not justified. 1 - Thursday night I didn't drink that much and was well behaved. 0 - Being sober left me outstandingly bored. 1 - I got to have a good chat about the interview incident. 0 - Someone I care for very much said some pretty-not-nice things to me. I'll chalk it up to alcohol, but it still kind of hurts. 1 - Had a pretty interesting, though difficult to follow, meeting on Friday. It could lead to a significant change for me. 0 - I wasn't too drunk on Friday night and was a little bored. 1 - Thankfully I had a good friend to hang out with. 0 - I saw an incredibly awesome girl dealing with heartbreak and it killed me. 0 - I realized how numb my own heart is in regards to most things. 1 - I went dancing with really cool audio designers from Japan, including Yamaoka-san. 1 - I gathered up some of the troops for Ben's birthday. 0 - I was in my sober / bored mood during dinner. 1 - Ben, Eeeeevers, and I went back to my place for a lovely shiraz. 1 - I made the wise decision not to go the large industry gathering. I would have been stupid drunk or sober bored. 1 - Sunday was domestically productive. After my morning Farley's, I went to the grocery, did laundry, unpacked several boxes, vacuumed, cleaned some cupboards, did dishes, and set up my new color laser printer. 0 - I got into a fight with my printer during toner installation. 0 - The K cartridge kicked my ass, the Y got in some good hits, and the M grazed me a bit. Thankfully the C didn't touch me at all. 0 - The picture above is what's left of my shirt. What kind of moron wears a white t-shirt while messing with four toner cartridges?

Dancing with Japanese Audio Designers... ...until 3AM is a lot safer and way more fun than dancing with wolves.