Ruling? If the same girl rejects you twice, does it count as two seperate Heismans? On one hand, it's a continuation of the first rejection, which might not have been clear in the first place. On the other hand, if the same pitcher strikes you out twice, that's two outs. Hmmm...something to ponder. I want to record everything fairly. I don't want to ruin the purity of the experience--translation: if a woman wants to shun me multiple times then it should be recorded as such. However, I also don't want to inflate my record by repeatedly asking out a girl that I know will not say yes. I wish I could sleep.... Btw, dear daughter of mine, part of the reason for this ridiculous exercise is to prove you wrong.

Cal Ripken is My Hero I just got back from Bottom of the Hill where my friend's band eE was playing. They were pretty cool, but very different from the jangly indie-pop that I love. The first band, Electro Group, was fun, but the second band, The Cave-Ins, played this wretched country-ish stuff that was so bad that I made a b-line for the smoking lounge... ...where I met this girl Nathalie. She asked me for a cigarette and I agreed to give her one in exchange for her name. We talked for a bit, and she seems really sweet. She asked me to check out her paintings, which are showing at a place pretty close to my house. Later on I saw her with a boyfriend-ish figure, but I'll go see her paintings, sign the guest book, and leave a cute message with my phone number. With any luck, this will make me 0 for 4. And like Cal Ripken in 1995, my relentless pursuit of the streak continues.

Perfect Record 0 for 2: I recently asked out my friend's ex-roommate and got the Heisman. As far as brush offs go, it was relatively nice. 0 for 3: Even more recently I asked my friend to see if it was cool if I called a friend of his that I met. Apparently it's not cool. And 2002 is starting off most swimmingly. I will keep trying though. My goal is to see if I can make it to 0 for 50. I think I win some kind of trophy or something. Shouldn't be too hard. Oh, I wrote the most obscure joke I ever made in an article. Check out the first paragraph on this page. The white man's burden joke is okay, but I'm hoping someone discerns from my last name that I'm Filipino. See, Kipling's original poem was written during the Philippine-American War. Probably one person will get the joke, which is cool with me. Of course that same paragraph resorts to a pot joke at the end for an easy guffaw.

F-You Al A friend of mine just quoted Lord Alfred Tennyson to me saying, "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." All I can say is that Tennyson was a dick and my friend is a moron since he attributed the quote to Shakespeare. My roommate's girlfriend will be living with us for a month. She's a great girl, but I so do not need to be living with a couple right now. Yes, seeing a loving couple every day for the next month is another sign that all the pieces of my life are finally coming together.

The End Well, I finally did something to...resolve a situation that's been brewing for months. I came up with an idea a little more than a month ago and I saw it through. And now I can finally move on. It will take some time because my heart is...not...ready I guess. But at least I took that first step. I'm proud that I finally did something and accepted that I wouldn't get the ending I wanted. There were still hundreds of better ways to deal with it, but I'm content that I did something. Not so long ago I would have just let it lie. I'm going to be sad as hell for a few weeks, maybe even months, but eventually I'll get past this.

I just got back from Vegas. I've been there three times in the last month. It was probably the most fun I've had in Vegas without gambling. There was some stuff that bothered me about the trip. There are very strong cliques in the biz, and I was getting heat for hanging out with this guy that everyone pretty much hates. He bothers me too from time to time and I definitely see why people hate him, but he has his redeeming qualities. After awhile I got tired of sticking up for him. Towards the end of the trip I just got tired of being around him and started to wonder why I even bother defending him. Anyway, the big countdown has started and it's almost time for me to go.

You ever been in a situation where you see something bad about to happen, but can't do anything that can prevent it? My life is nothing like that right now.... It's just weird I guess. You ever read an amazing book? You know that feeling you have when you're down to the last few chapters, which quickly become the last few pages, and finally the last few sentences? I guess that's where I'm at right now. And I'm not very good with endings. I hate saying goodbye. I remember when I left NY, I didn't tell most of my friends I was moving out west. I just couldn't deal with saying goodbye. Great, now that old Bon Jovi song "Never Say Goodbye" is stuck in my head. I guess I don't like dwelling on the past. I've wasted so many years of my life because I couldn't get past something/someone. Now I'm putting myself in a situation where I can move forward, but I'm having a really difficult time. Well, nobody said it was going to be easy.

A most magnificent woman once told me that, "What feels right and what is right often conflict." I can't help but think about what she said these days. I've resolved to do what I think is right. I'd like to think I'm doing it because it's the smart thing to do, but part of me suspects that I'm doing it because I'm afraid. When I first came up with this audacious plan I used to ask myself, "Are you brave enough to do this?" Now that I'm no longer afraid I find myself asking, "Are you stupid enough to do this?" Whatever the reason may be, doing what is right will feel incredibly sucky.

Majestic--not the movie I've really been enjoying Majestic's new album called Wake Up, Come Out and Play! They may supplant The Fairways as my new favorite band. It's more happy music with a really femme singer. Rannie says it sounds like Sesame Street music. Hmph. Anyway, I have to get back to writing this book.

Christmas was really cool. My family and I went to Vegas and had lots of fun. New Year's kind of sucked, but I guess it all evens out. Hmmmm, I'm not feeling to talkative right now....