Afraid I'm afraid of not doing what I set out to do because the person it involves is going through a really tough time. I should do what's right for me, but things are going so wrong for her and my first instinct is to do everything in my power to make things a little bit better for her. I'm afraid of new possibilities. I'm truly terrified of someone making me feel like The Girl did: unworthy, undeserving, and not good enough. I'm afraid to take chances even if there's the prospect of me being happier. I'm more frightened of the possibility of becoming sadder. Right now, I'm very confused and very scared.

Laguna Beached I just got back from a drunken adventure in Laguna Beach with Steve, Bryn, Rachel, Ben, and James. I got really hammered, which is usually an odd occurence, but since I've been getting slammed all week I figured I'd keep it up. After drinks in a nice restaurant and more drinks at a bar, we ended up on the beach. I learned my lesson after ending up in the ocean after following Leah, so I didn't go in the water this time. Highlights/lowlights include: - Rachel was hilarious. She was ragging on Bryn the whole time and was the one that went running to the ocean. She rocks. - Steve buried James' shoes in the sand, which made James more pissed than I've ever seen him before. - James, Steve, and I drove back in Steve's car, which might not have been the smartest thing since he was probably the most drunk. - I met this cute blonde girl names Christine. It was going pretty cool until Steve messed it up and she ran off. - I was one drink away from yakking at the bar. - One of the reasons I didn't go in the ocean was because I really liked the shoes I had on. Priorities. - There was tequila shots, vodka shots, B-52s, and lemon drops. What a silly mix. - I really don't want to drink again for a long, long time.

Face Down in Cabo Wow. That Cabo trip was so incredible. I SO didn't want to leave. A bunch of us actually considered throwing our careers away to sell silver on the beach. The hotel wasn't the nicest I've stayed in, but it might have been the most enjoyable; the room was lovely, the service was fantastic, and the food was grand. It was such a self-contained paradise that any thoughts of hitting the town vanished in seconds (though I do want to go to Sammy Hagar's cantina one day.) Tuesday I got really hammered. Nine shots of tequila will do that to me. After getting blitzed, a bunch of us went to the pool. DouglASS was totally ripped and attempted to drown many of us. For his next act, he took off one of the railings off the pool stairs. He swung it around, but it on top of his head (like bull horns), and yelled at people to, "Come into my pool!!!" It was actually pretty funny, but security busted him so we went back to the bar. Wednesday I didn't think I would drink...but then I had five shots of tequila. This time we got kicked out of two different pools. The last pool we were at had a smaller pool six feet down, so we jumped from one pool to the other. Security busted us the second time at 2:30 AM. That Office Suarez is a most worthy adversary. So those were the last two nights. The days were filled with checking games and drinking in the pool. This was by far the best press junket I ever went on. The setting was posh, the vibe was awesome, and everyone was really into it. Like I said last time, it was nearly perfect to be soaking in a pool with a beautiful hotel to my back, the ocean in front of me, the sun on my face, a drink in my hand, and PR girls drunkenly dancing. I wish those Cabo nights and days lasted forever. Taking the extra time off to go early was the smartest thing I've done all year. This is the best I've felt all year. I'm just truly relaxed and happy. Getting away from the cell phone, the Internet (mostly), and my stupid girl problems AND going to paradise was the most unforgetable time I've had in like forever.

Cabo Wabo So I'm at a press event in Cabo. This is the closest thing to perfection that I've experienced in a long, long time. The hotel is gorgeous, the pools are awesome, the ocean is steps away, there are girls dancing in bikinis, and the drinks are flowing. Life is so good right now. The only thing that could make it better is a girl. Strangely, I'm not thinking about the girl I usually think about. I'll figure that out later. Gotta go get more sun.

Bye Bye Bye The last two days have been all sorts of fun, but with a hint of melancholy. Tony and Brandy are visiting. It's really cool to see them. We went out for a bite to eat before heading to Carlos' and Matt's party. Lots of interesting things happened, and not just because I got drunk. Somehow I ended up hanging out in the ocean with a bunch of people. The water was really warm (or I was really drunk) and the company was fun. I strolled off for a bit because I was thinking about Raina and missing her going-away party, so I wrote a note to her in the sand. Hey, it seemed like a good idea when I was drunk. Eventually I got home, where Steve and I decided to hang out on the porch, smoke, and talk about our feelings and the future. I ended up crashing at 5:00 AM, only because I needed rest for tennis the next morning. There's a lot I'm leaving out, but I'll speak on that when I sort it all out in my head. Amazingly, I was able to wake up for my 10:00 AM tennis match with Phu and Adrienne. I had a pretty killer headache for the first half hour or so, but I was able to shake it off. It was fun playing with Tony. His footwork and timing were way off, but he has a strong understanding of how doubles is supposed to be played. After tennis, we BBQ'd and hung out at the pool for several hours. And finally we went to the Angels/Tigers game. Damn the Tigers suck. Oh yeah, I got this random email from a Match.com girl. I was going to do my typical find-some-ridiculous-flaw-so-I-don't-have-to-talk-to-her thing, but Kate made me write her back. She seems pretty neat, but she's a little far (South Bay). I guess we'll see. Hmmmm, gotta pack for my Cabo trip.

Now Ear This At first, I thought the cashier at Philly's Best was incredibly hot. She had beautiful blonde hair, a cute button nose, and a sexy smile. Her ears stuck out in an adorable manner -- at least that's what I thought at first. Upon further examination, her left ear stuck out way more than her right ear. It really weirded me out and remind my of Sloth from Goonies. Steve thinks I'm overreacting, but it was really weird and totally killed it for me. I'm writing this down so I never forget to check a woman's ears if I'm interested in dating her.

Exchange Last weekend's party was fun. Yummy food. Plentiful drink. And a bit of throwing people into the pool. The only downers were Christian getting a drink thrown in his eyes and losing a contact plus Garvey and Chet setting off the fire alarm. Mostly though, it was a harmless good time. So Raina's leaving on 8/22. Strangely, Glenda's moving to San Francisco on 9/1. So it's like I'm losing my new daughter and getting my old one back. I'm really excited about Glenda moving to California. I can't wait to see her!

2+6=8 I got Leah flowers the other day (again). It was her 26th birthday on Sunday so I got her eight roses becauase two plus six equals eight. She thought that was really cute and clever, but probably not as much as I did. The last seven days have been quite sporty (my second-favorite Spice Girl). There were three volleyball sessions and three tennis sessions. My lower back is a little sore (I just had to start hitting kick serves again!), but it's been way fun. I'm so grateful that I have several pools and hot tubs at my disposal. They've been instrumental in recovering each night. FlipChick was just teasingly chiding me for constantly correcting her spelling in AIM and email. So I told her, "Well, my initial plan was to spellcheck my way into your heart. Perhaps I should reconsider." She thought it was super cute and it made her smile. I have the fuzzies from making her smile. I like her lots.

All things considered... ...last week went a lot better than I thought it would. After getting the Heisman over AIM and knowing I would be seeing The Girl and the... supreme *sshole, the week turned out being pretty fun. My coworkers and I ended up playing volleyball on Thursday and Friday night. It was a lot of fun, though my lower back tells me otherwise in the morning. Saturday I saw American Wedding, which was incredibly funny. And today, I played tennis with Phu. I also spent time at the pool/hot tub each night. So even though I got rejected over AIM (which is a really interesting experience), last week was plenty fun. Oh, I also discovered that fries can also be ordered "animal style." What an amazing revelation. Tennis was interesting. Phu wasn't playing with his own racquet, so he wasn't at his best. I was suprised that I could still serve reasonably well. I felt pretty good about my serve in the deuce court. Serving from the ad side wasn't as good, but definitely enough to get by. Aside from timing, which I knew would be off since this was the first time I played this year, the biggest thing missing was my first step. When you get a short ball to charge, your natural instinct is to take a half step back and push off. 13 years ago(damn that's depressing), my footwork was so keyed that I never took the step back and was always able to react and charge. These days, it takes a sec to see the ball, another to step back, and another to spring forward. Yes, this tennis talk is boring, but it's my stupid blog so I can talk about whatever I want.