Partying Sideways Raytoberfest was last night. It was a pretty large party and many, many people had a really, really great time. Here are some highlights. - Cricket bats were being thrown from the second floor den to the first floor living room. - There were some fantastic costumes. I think Shane's Hermione outfit was my favorite. Kit's Shaun of the Dead was rad. Karen's French maid outfit was...yummy. - My daughter introduced me to some interesting people before she spent the rest of the night getting hit on. - There were two topless girls roaming around. One even offered free feels. - Brad exhibited honor. His three compatriots did not. - Someone had sex in Carlos' bathroom. - There must have been 20 to 30 people that showed up that didn't know me or anyone else that lives here. Everyone was pretty cool, except that asshead midget dressed up as a skeleton. - Some girl passed out and had to be placed in Kit's bed for a while. I'm still trying to figure out why none of us went to "check" on her. - Steve "accidentally" threw a drink at Cindy. - Aside from wanting to throw skeleton boy down the stairs, I was a pretty good host. I did the meet and greet while the numbers were low, after which I roamed around to make sure everything was chill. I even stayed awake to see the last guest off. - Steve and Kit called all sorts of infomercial 800 numbers. I remember them cracking up and Kit explaining to the phone person, "I'm sorry, my associate is making this rather difficult." - I didn't get drunk because I was waiting for someone to show up. - She never came. I've already forgotten about many of the things that happened. I just didn't have a great time. For me, the party was just okay. All I wanted was to spend some time with her. It was the only thing I was looking forward to all of last week. It's not that I'm mad at or disappointed with her. I just wished so badly that she was there. Still, many, many people had a really, really great time. That is no small thing. It's all for the best probably. Every second I spend with her just increases my desire for her company. Steve and I went to see Sideways today. I very much enjoyed it. It's exactly what I want from a small-budget movie -- enjoyable writing and dialogue that's presented in a simple fashion. As I was watching the movie, I came up with three stupid analogies. 1) It's like Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, but for older and more intelligent people...and with lots of wine. 2) It's probably what a roadtrip with Cliff would be like. 3) It's probably what a roadtrip with me would be like if I could split the version of me I am 95 percent of the time and hang out with the overconfident, brash, and wreckless idiot I became once in a blue moon. Paul Giamatti's character really got to me. I don't think I've ever identified with a movie character more than I did with Miles Raymond. I could totally empathize with the morose and miserable man his relationship has made him become. His drunken mannerisms, actions (drunk dialing old loves!) and decisions are identical to mine. He's so very terrible with women, yet places love and romance above all (except maybe wine). The character just totally reminds me of how I get when I'm sad and negative and feeling trapped / lonely...which is how I've been lately. Miles is just so brilliant at being unhappy that he's made it an art form. I think it's rather funny that we share a name.

Well... ...I suppose that's why it's called a longshot. I did the right thing though. If you're wondering how I am, please don't ask me. If I want you to know I'll tell you.

Clarity My mind is clear. My motives are noble. My heart is pure. This is the perfect time for a longshot.

Rock Bottom Okay, I'm pretty sure this is the low point. My baseball team choked in a historic fashion. I spent a good portion of yesterday nursing the worst hangover I've had all year. She's still with the wrong guy. I still have delusions of fighting for and trying to win her affections. And I'm not in the fork-tongued, slippery-minded state I need to be in for this meeting. So it's all uphill from here, right? Well, maybe after this meeting ... ... which starts in a few minutes. Two of my charges decided to come into work late today. This just seems idiotic to me. We're having a meeting with the boss to discuss our grievances. This is not the best time to tardily stroll into the office. You're putting yourself at a disadvantage before the meeting even starts by coming off as a slacker. It seems like a simple political move to get into the office early the day the boss flies up from SoCal. Part of it is my already-crappy mood, but I'm five seconds away from smacking both of them. I'm also five seconds away from wrecklessly going for her with everything I have.

Heartbroken Binary Blog Good: I drank lots of free soju. Bad: The bar had no television so I had to go to the deli next door to get updates on the Yankee game. Bad: The obnoxious bald man was there. Good: He didn't really bother me. This might be because I was too sad, in which case I should change this to bad. Good: I had some Arinell's and introduced Kit to it. Bad: After enough soju I was determined to go see her. Good: I got to see her. Bad: The Yankees lost. Bad: I didn't really care since I got to see her. This part is extremely alarming. No woman -- even the one I almost married -- has ever been put ahead of the Yankees. This means that I'm becoming less of a Yankees fan or I'm crazier about this girl than I thought. Good: Lychee martinis are delicious. Bad: Lychee martinis are very strong and there's no good reason to have five of them. Good: Holding her was the best I've felt since...holding her last week. Bad: She stole my Potrero Hill hoodie. Good: I was so happy to see her. Bad: I followed Barr, Keeling, and Ted to a strip club. Good: I made a wise decision not going in. Bad: I made a poor decision to wander the streets drunk until I could find a cab. This normally wouldn't be so bad, but I had no idea where I was. Bad: I think my ATM card is at the strip club.

Top 10, Part II From the master bedroom in a sty of a six-bedroom apartment in The Mission, San Francisco, CA...The Top 10 Things to do When Your Damn Baseball Team Loses Two Dramatic Extra-Inning Games in as Many Nights. 10) Hate on all those stupid Red Sox fans wearing the "Why Not Us?" t-shirts. Why not you? Because you suck. 9) Thank your team for keeping your mind off things for six hours... 8) ...but curse them for making you feel worse when they lose. 7) Pray that David Ortiz gets kidnapped by a derranged Yankee fan. 6) Watch your skin break out because of emotional stress. 5) Hope Affleck can make his team suck as much as he does. 4) Wonder how you're going to make it through the work day tomorrow since the only reason you got by today (barely) was because you left early to watch this stupid baseball game. 3) Make a David Ortiz voodoo doll and stab it until you fall asleep. 2) Suddenly become an Astros fan. And the number one thing to do when your damn baseball team loses two dramatic extra-inning games in as many nights.... 1) Look forward to watching the Yankees finish the job tomorrow when you're hammered on soju.

Top 10 From the corner cubicle in Brisbane, CA...The Top 10 Things to do When You're at Work but are too Morose, Moribund, and Lugubrious to do Anything. 10) Check your Friendster account and read all your lovely testimonials. 9) Pester friends on AIM for a virtual hug. 8) Skip out on lunch with your coworkers, get a mediocre salad, eat at one of your coworker's desks, and leave the scraps in his garbage bin. 7) Watch the clock on your phone until it's time for the Yankee game. 6) Make plans with your daughter to see a documentary that will clearly worsen your mood. 5) Look for stationery to write a letter to say something you forgot to because you were too drunk and emotional to say it at the time. 4) Wish you had another job. 3) Wish you were in Cabo. 2) Thank Thor that your roommate has plenty of Neil Gaiman graphic novels so you can lock yourself in your room and escape reality through Sandman, Death, and pals. And the number one thing to do while you're stuck at work but can't do anything because you're too morose, moribund, and lugubrious to do anything.... 1) Try to channel your sorrow into hatred for the Red Sox.

Scar Tissue - I kept busy yesterday, which was really good since I was afraid of locking myself in my room and having a staring contest with my ceiling for most of the day. Kit and I hung out with Kate, visited the land of Pinoys, and saw Team America. I wish I was cheerier for Kate; I tried my best, but couldn't muster up much. I was really happy to see her for the first time in...uhm, a really long time. Those feelings were just drowned out by other stuff. - David Ortiz looks like a really fun and happy guy, but he's with the enemy and is therefore also really scary. - I hope I get a sunny day this week. It looks like rain for the most part. Symbolism! Yeah, that's it genius -- it's just like the fire that's about to go out and the rain starting as you say goodbye. - In addition to drunk dialing and drunk blogging, I've discovered a new ability: drunk livejournal replying. I think my exact words were, bite me@ i'm drunka dn i hate you and evetyhhning." - 1602 was pretty enjoyable and quite surprising. It was fun, but there was an abundance of cheesey one-liners. I expect this from...well, me...but never would I have guessed that Neil Gaiman was a cornball too. - I should probably take a day off this week. I need to be strong for my team as we head towards "Confrontation Thursday." They deserve to be stood up and spoken for when they can't or won't do it for themselves. Of course, I need to make it through the week too and it's going to be a struggle.

At Least the Yankees Won Thank Hera the Yankees won. That's the saving grace for my night, which woudl have been perfect save for two things: 1) She doesn't feel the same. 2) She was crying on my shoulder while I felt horrible about myself. Tonight really was brilliant. I had one of the best times I've ever had in my life and so did she. This really was the best date I've ever constructed. Innocent coffee at Farley's, a really delicious and romantic dinner, a surprise limousine wisking us away, walking by the beach before settling by a bonfire, dice and drinks at small, fun bar, and dropping her off at home with a confession. I truly did it the way I wanted to. Unfortunately my way really sucks. The night ended with her crying on my shoulder in the rain pleading for me to not leave her life. It continued with the limo ride home with me gulping the worst vodka I've had in years. It transitioned into me drinking tequila and complaining to Kit on how absolutely stupid this whole relationship thing is. And it's ending with me struggling to blog without typos while I want nothing more than to have another drink. Yeah, I'm sure when I read this blog installment I'm going to feel rather exposed. But right now I could care less. I did what I set out to do and had it reinforced that doing things the way I want to do them absolutely sucks. I disappointed a woman that I care so much about and that I want to be there for so desperately. I gave her a night that she'll never forget (she said this too throughout the course of the evening). Unfortunately, it appears that I am quite forgettable. Kit wants to go to Wal Mart tomorrow. I'm hoping they have guns so I can shoot myself. This whole thing is really stupid and my fault. My dear friend (I miss you by the way) gave me several guidelines on how I should approach women, but in my supreme stubborness I reject them in a seemingly defiant proclamation to live life by my terms. Well genius (me, not you), living life by your terms hasn't gotten you very far has it? The annoying part is that I've had one of the best and definitely one of the worst nights I've had all year. By the way, you have no idea how many times I have to keep hitting backspace to correct drunken typos. There's a bright spot here somewhere. Really theres is....let me find it. Okay, I'm hoping (really, truly, deeply) that I can be happy with giving someone that I deeply care about a really incredible night. It really means something to me, despite my rantings. I'm sure I'll appreciate more in the future. For now I'm going to sink into one of my dire periods of life. God, I can't even stop typing about it. In my mind everything should work out and we should be happy. Then reality happens and I'm left typing idiotic ramblings into my blog while she's with...well, she's not with me. Okay, I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a spectacular hangover, but I'm going to get a cup of Phil's coffee to make everything a little less painful.

Countdown - Well, this is it. It's set up exactly how I said I was going to do it. Will I see it through? I honestly don't know. I've set it up to be too insane for me not to follow though...but I'm awfully talented at running and hiding. - I've been having weird mood swings this week. It's not my usual binge happiness / binge sadness thing. I've been alternating between doubting everything I do and believing in myself in an unreasonable way. I've been on the positive for the last 36 hours. I believe I'm awesome, I believe in doing things my way, and I believe love conquers all. It just came out of nowhere. I was staring at the city and all of the sudden felt great about everything. It's like I took that potion from Big Trouble in Little China. - I keep looking for signs to jinx everything. I saw a black cat approaching and was thinking, "A-ha! It's a sign!" It turned out that the black cat had white paws. It stopped by to hang out with me for a bit too. - It's funny exploiting your nearest and dearest to get traffic. - Kate's here tomorrow! Maybe I'll have something really wonderful to share with her. Maybe I'll be weeping on her shoulder. - I haven't had a drink since Sunday. I think I should get some kind of medal...or perhaps a trophy. - Whoa, I just had an idea that would escalate tonight from insane to psychotic.

I'll Take Potpourri for $600 - The Yankees win!!! The-e-e-e-e-e Yankees win!!! To all my buddies from the New England area: ha. - I went to Phil's Coffee again. It truly is the most amazing coffee I've ever had. From the beans selected just by Phil to the unique brewing process to the little sprig of mint in the cup, it's just the most brilliant cup of coffee ever. Phil brewed me up a Philharmonic (an Italian blend) and it was so good that it almost transcended coffee into a beverage that's suited for Olympus. I'm so irked that it took me more than six months to walk into the place. It's almost as dumb as hating someone incredibly amazing for two years. - I finally got to catch up with Tony and Brandy. They picked me up from the airport when I moved back to San Francisco in April and we haven't been able to catch up until tonight. How silly of all of us. - Work is pretty interesting right now. I'd love to watch how everything is going to pan out...but I can't since I'm directly involved...and the office politics aren't on television...and it would probably be a stupid show anyway. - My best wishes go out to my pals at Game Informer. That's quite a ruckus you've stirred! Whether I think you're wrong or right, I hope you don't lose much respect from your peers. There are a bunch of you that I genuinely care about. You're too good to let a small situation -- which didn't directly involve you -- bring you down. Wow, I think I'm listening to too much Xtina. "You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Paper Mario 2 reviews won't bring you down." - I'm struggling with The 7. I know they work. I've seen them work. It just feels so foreign to me -- almost as if it's not who I'm supposed to be. It's like when Denise Richards had to play a nuclear physicist in that Bond movie -- she had the script in front of her, but she was woefully ill-suited for that role. What a stupid analogy that was. Part of me is thinking, "Look, your history sucks. Try something new and try to change." But more of me is thinking, "Find someone that works with you just as you are. If you have to compromise yourself then what will you end up with? Plus, you can be annoyingly stubborn so be like frickin' Sinatra and do it your way." Part of me hopes that my brain stops having conversations with itself. - Saturday should be interesting. Should I stay or should I go? I'll probably flip a coin and let fate decide.

Love and Photos I'm in love with Susan Sarandon's daughter. I forgot that for a while, but the Saved! DVD is out and it reminded me of how delicious she is. She's like my new Clea Duvall. Here are pics from Saturday's karaoke jam.

Sandwiched Last week was pretty much a sandwich for me. Prepare for a really stupid analogy; it's the one that's been sticking in my head so you're just going to have to deal. It started an ended with stale pieces of bread, but the middle was rather fantastic. Stale piece of bread #1 - I was still in my anti-women mood at the beginning of the week (see 10/1). And I really didn't want to deal with anyone of that sex. I was just being angry and bitter and downtrodden. Lovely fillings - My nemesis was in town for some work. It was lots of fun to play with her and I was thrilled to be helping her with something fun and interesting and creative. There was lots of drinking, a fantastic karaoke night (except for that 2:47AM drunk dial I don't remember making...oops), some brainstorming, lots of shooting, and a bunch of X-Men Legends. It was just a really good time of work and play. Stale piece of bread #2 - After two months of trying to get in trouble at work, it finally happened. I was waiting, almost desperately, to get called on something so I could retort with the long, long list of reasons of why I find my current situation most...unsatisfactory. Of course, I could have brought it up much earlier, but that's too direct for my tastes and I think I've read The Prince one too many times. Thankfully, that dialogue has started. Tomorrow should be interesting. In morea recent news, I spent a lot of the weekend drunk, which is probably why I couldn't come up with a better analogy. There was more karaoke (I got back at 2:00AM this time, yay!), beer, SoCo, bourbon, and soju (watermelon and lychee). My mutant power of hangover transference is in full effect since there's no way that mixing beer, SoCo, and bourbon in one evening should leave one without the slightest trace of a hangover. On Sunday morning, Carlos and I discovered an outstanding coffeehouse two blocks from our apartment. I've walked by it several times, but never thought to go in since it didn't look very interesting. I'm actually irked that I waited so long. It's expensive ($2.50 for a large cup), but it's so worth it. They brew one cup at a time using a technique that's an amalgam of French pressing and Turkish brewing. I had an amazing cup of Ethiopian Harrar. It was brilliant. I should know better than to judge something by its facade, but then again perhaps I don't. I base a lot of what I think of someone on their vibe and more often than not I can tell the good people from that bad. Yet for some reason I try (to varying degrees of success) to convince most people than I'm an ineffectual clown. I dunno. It's just a stupid thing I do.

Words Like Boulders.... "There's safety in defeat. Luxury in self pity," she said.

Consoles and Women So I was channeling my inner hack yesterday and wrote this column. Originally I was going for an analogy that made the PSP the big corporate machine with big numbers and no soul, while the DS would be the distinct system that wasn't as successful but dared to be different. (Bonus points if you know what I'm whining about.) Instead I wrote this silly thing equating each system to women. I did get one rad reader mail though! Check it out: "I really liked your article comparing the next portable systems to types of females. It was cute. I plan on buying both systems when they release.

One thing you forgot to mention is that to keep the stripper (PSP) and get the best use out of her, it is going to be more expensive than with the chick who has the charming personality and also very attractive(DS). For example, to use the movie feature of the PSP you're expected to spend money on buying movies in UMD format. Hot strippers are high maintenance and taxing on your wallet."

That Green Haired Guy's Rave That's what Manuel dubbed the party.... Thanks to a tremendous effort by Matt, we finally had a party at our apartment. It only took six months. I really want to have another before the month ends. I'm thinking a celebration of October and me -- Raytoberfest. I really wasn't in the mood for a party, but a keg of Boddingtons and a surprise appearance by my daughter changed the mood. I had a good time, got drunk, didn't get sick, didn't black out, and didn't yell at anyone. The last part I'm particularly proud of since I still think all women are ridiculous. And don't think I'm going to leave Glenda out of this just because she's my daughter -- ALL women are ridiculous. Anyway, here are the party pictures.

Things That Bother Me Right Now - Women that frequently cancel plans with you. Though this isn't nearly as bothersome as women that cancel new year's plans the day before. - Women that are dishonest. At this very moment I think this applies to all women I know. - Women that make exagerrated claims about how long and how well they know you (i.e. forever). - Women that are succeptible to "The Seven Rules of Highly Effective Bastards." Again, I'm thinking this applies to all women I know. - Women that get upset when they're not the one you're paying the most attention to. This lends credence to Lawler's theory that all women secretly hate each other. - Women that respond to negative treatment. - Women that prefer drug dealers. - Women that take advantage of people that don't know when to stop giving. - Women that patronize you with statements they don't truly mean. Yes, this falls under dishonesty, but this one is so annoying that it deserves its own mention. - Women that drive you to make stupid lists on your blog.